Hi there and welcome to another blog post of mine. Heard my music yet? Go on, visit iTunes, Google Play and even Spotify amongst others to download and listen. I would appreciate your support! #JustSaying!
There is absolutely no reason why Valentine’s Day (or any other day) has be taken so seriously. #JustSaying. In fact, Valentine’s Day will probably be more enjoyable if you keep the pressure off and have a little fun with it.
So, to get you in the mood, here are some cheesy and silly #ValentinesDayJokes, #pickuplines & #randomjokes
1. Valentine's Day jokes...
The most effective way to remember to buy something for your wife on Valentine's Day is... to forget it once!
Valentine's Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
My wife just called me lazy and said I'd better have something planned for Valentine's Day.
I said: "Yes, I was thinking of taking the Christmas decorations down."
My wife rang me at work on Valentine's Day and said:
"Three of the girls in the office have just received bunches of flowers. They're absolutely gorgeous."
I said: "That's probably why they've been sent flowers then."
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome.
So the man continued carefully through the woods. He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to marry.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!” she replied.
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. So, curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer." the man said.
I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's day.
Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning.
Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a happy marriage like mine.
2. Pick up lines...
Are you African? Because you are a’frican babe!
Is your name Google? Because you've got everything I'm searching for.
Are you sure you’re not a parking ticket? Because you’ve got fine written all over you.
How'd you like to come to MySpace so I can Twitter you with my Yahoo until I Google on your FaceBook?
You know what’s on the menu? ME-N-U
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a gun, get in the van!
I know this is going to sound cheesy, but I think you're the gratest.
Are you from Japan? Cause I’m trying to get in Japanties.
What has 36 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
If you were a Transformer, you’d be a HOT-obot, and your name would be Optimus Fine.
You have something on your ass... my eyes!
Hey… somebody farted. Let’s get out of here.
If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple.
If you were a vegetable you'd be a cutecumber.
I know you're busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list?
My love for you is like diarrhoea, I just can't hold it in.
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?
Life without you is like a broken pencil... pointless.
I wish I were cross-eyed… so I can see you twice.
Remember me? Oh, that’s right, I’ve met you only in my dreams.
Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koala-fications.
I would flirt with you, but I'd rather seduce you with my awkwardness.
Do you sleep on your stomach? If not, can I?
You're so hot, if you ate bread you'd poop out toast.
If you were a booger, I would pick you first.
*Lick finger and wipe on guy/girl's shirt: “Right, now let's get you out of those wet clothes."
I wish you were my big toe… so I could bang you on every piece of furniture at my house.
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a mind like mine?
What's the name of your perfume? "Catch of the Day?"
I'd buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the straw.
Are You Luke? Cause I’ll be your Daddy.
I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You’re making the other girls look bad.
Are you a bank loan? Because you have my interest.
Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Are you religious? Cause you’re the answer to all my prayers.
3. A few comics...